​A miniature deck of cards? Tiny handcuffs? A sticker with the logo of your favorite team? Fat chance.

I was duped many a time by those machines in the entryway to the department store. I would happily forfeit my only quarter for a shot at those tiny playing cards. They looked cool. 

One turn of the metal knob later, plastic disappointment would roll down to the door. Nowhere in the display did it show a plastic ant that could be worn as a ring. There were no stickers of the Pittsburgh Steelers or Dallas Cowboys in those machines. Heck, you were lucky to even get a football sticker half of the time. 

Someone out there stocked those machines. I hope they feel immense guilt at duping millions of children out of their quarters. If not, I hope one of them can find it in their heart to send me a miniature batting helmet from the Pittsburgh Pirates. Lord knows I probably put your kids through college, it's the least you could do.

​Anytime the show "Newhart" was about to come on, there was a scramble for each person to take a position.

One person plopped down on the couch to watch the television. One ran over to the doorway to the outside. The last person went to the TV antenna. 

Then there was a two-minute relay of hollering instructions back and forth until the station came in. This was almost always followed by the person on the couch yelling out that the station went away after the person turning the antenna stopped touching it.

Oh, we had it so rough. But how else were you going to watch Daryl, his brother Larry, and his other brother Daryl?

So my 6-year-old son wants a copy of the new Super Smash Bros. game for the Nintendo Switch. It's a fun game, but it got me thinking about a video game idea I had ages ago that would be even better.

How about a fighting game with biblical characters? The roster could be incredible. The finishing moves would be awesome. Here are some of my ideas:

• Moses. His main weapon is a staff that pulls all sorts of nasty tricks. It can turn you into a frog. It can blast you with a waterfall shooting out of a rock. His finishing move is to brain you with some stone tablets.
• Elijah. He can call down fire to destroy you. He can make it rain on command. Oh yeah, and just when you think you've knocked him out, he summons a chariot of fire to sweep him across the screen and kick your butt.
• Goliath. The biggest fighter in the game, which of course means he's incredibly powerful and equally slow. He does a lot of taunting.
• David. The seemingly unassuming shepherd boy uses a sling to hurl rocks at your face (which is particularly effective against Goliath). He also plays a mean lyre which lowers your speed and defense, almost as if to soothe your soul.
• Peter. He'll deny that he's even a fighter a few times. He's got limited ability to walk on water, and will sock you with a fishing net full of fish if he's got you on the ropes.
• Daniel. His special move, Lion's Den, makes him impervious to damage.
• Jonah. Summons a whale to chew you up and spit you out. Enough said.
• Samson. Watch out for his main weapon, the jawbone of donkey. You might have a chance if you can cut his hair. If you somehow beat him, he'll topple the fighting stage to get even.
• Jesus (Available Downloadable Content for an extra $59.99). The ultimate combo of speed and power. Turns the other cheek to your attacks. Can't be killed, he just keeps resurrecting.

The game could be awesome, especially in Solo Mode, when you reach the Revelation Stage.

​Among the most ill-conceived designs in video game console history was the Sears Tele-Games version of Pong.

Before all of the sleek-looking boxes to play your video games, there was this version of Pong. It was a box with two knobs on it. Knobs which could be easily reached by your sister, er, opponent.

You see, it was entirely possible for one to simply reach over and fiddle with the other person's hand as the ball approached. You might watch in horror on your 13-inch black-and-white TV as the square pixel, passing as a ball, goes past your paddle. You might punch your sister. A brawl over pong cheating might break out. 

You also may never see the pong console again after that night in 1981.